Guess where I'm writing to you from? ?? Oh alright, I'll tell you. I'm writing this from home! My apartment! My tiny, Ikea furnished bedroom! I have internet! ::shakes booty:: So I took a quick break from performing illegal activities to write a post. 'Cause I care about y'all.
But really, this is the post before the post (Jersey Shore reference. Anyone? Anyone?) because I really want to write about the awesome time I had in VA but I honestly can't remember all of it. It was that kind of weekend. SO, take this instead. :)
------So I don’t know if you’ve heard but NYC has been taken over by bedbugs. True story. It’s like the number one searched term every other day. People are freaking out, ya’ll. Like Justin Beiber canceled one of his performances or something.
But I’m not understanding how this is really happening. Like yes, I know, theoretically all one has to do is accidentally bring one of those suckers home. One sketchy one night stand and you unknowingly tote one home via your hair or favorite J Crew sweater. But then what? Let’s conveniently assume that that resilient little critter makes it to your bed. Then it feasts on you every other night until it dies of old age or you accidentally squash it in your sleep. Infestation fail.
Or maybe you unknowingly bring two home. This I find harder to believe as I freak out if a random strand of hair brushes against me. How someone can have two bedbugs hitch a ride home with them and never notice is beyond me. But even if you do bring two home what are the chances that one is female and the other is male. Seriously, what are the chances? And that they actually like each other and mate?
Another possibility is that you accidentally bring home one pregnant bedbug. And in that case you should just kill yourself because you are incredibly unlucky and would prob face your untimely demise via a freak accident anyway.
But as inconceivable as it seems, to me at least, the bugs are spreading like a curable, but not any less gross, STD in a value driven teen primetime drama. So much so that the government is setting aside money to eradicate the problem. Now, if the government is giving out money instead of figuring out another way to take it, you KNOW some shit is going down. Basically, the world is about to end. Bedbugs could like totally be the locusts of our time. Hold on to your first born sons, folks.